Is it right to love?

I was emotionally devastated when my ex wife and I first separated a few years ago as a result of her adultery. But once people around me learned of what happened, many of them told me that I was much better off without her. At the time, I understood the concept of what they were trying to say to me and I'm sure that many of them were sincerely trying to be helpful. But emotionally, hearing this expression really only added to the emotional trauma I was experiencing.

It didn't take me long to realize that surrounding myself with people who enjoyed telling me this was quite unproductive to my own much needed emotional recovery. The more people said this to me, the more I found myself focusing on my ex wife and what she'd done instead of paying more attention to me, my circumstances, and the things I needed to do to survive the experience.

Was I ultimately better off without her? Yes, absolutely, but this is a level of awareness that's much more helpful when reached after the grieving stage. When an emotionally injured person is told things that inadvertently causes them to focus too much of their time and energy on their ex partner, it tends to revictimize them in the sense that it stagnates their healing and recovery process, and in some cases, might even cause further emotional injury.

Another thing to be aware of when you're experiencing relational crises is that some people might outwardly appear to be caring and helpful when they're saying something like this, but in many cases, they're actually trying to vampire what little energy you may have left. How so? If you were to peek through their facade of empathy and compassion, you'd very likely find that they're selfishly seeking your attention in the form your expressed appreciation of them for trying to cheer you up. That means it's very likely that they're not really the least bit concerned about your suffering.

If you're currently struggling through the grieving stage of a relational separation or divorce and someone tells you "you're better off without them", I would suggest that you table that thought and try to distance yourself from them as much as possible. During this stage of your emotional recovery, it's very important that you regularly give yourself sufficient time and space to experience stillness. This enhances your ability to grieve effectively without being distracted by toxic thoughts of the person who's hurt you.

Toxic thoughts of the person who hurt you often fuels destructive energies. Destructive energies may to lead you into thinking that you're a better person than them. They could lead you into constant "me versus them" thoughts where you think that you're absolutely and undoubtedly right and they're equally wrong or even evil, and deserved to be punished for their actions. Such toxic thoughts might include:

"I cannot believe that bitch did that to me! I swear to God that I'll make her PAY for what she's done!"

"I'll never let that scum bastard see his children again!"

"Phugg that bitch! I'm gunna go out and get me a REAL woman!"

"If he even THINKS about bringing that skank whore over here while he's picking up his things, I'll (notions of physical violence)!!"

Toxic thoughts like these only serve to create drama, high priced legal expenses, and a much longer, if even at all, emotional recovery time. Most, or even all, of this negativity can be completely avoided if you ignore toxic statements that cause you to focus excessively on the person who wronged you, and focus primarily on yourself.

Are you truly better off without them? Yes, but this level of awareness can be much more appreciated when ascended to after the pain has dissipated. Who else are you truly better off without? The person who says this to you while you're still very hurt!

Wishing everyone a beautiful day!

Peace, Love and Harmony,,,

***Disclaimer***

Although anyone may find the practices, disciplines, and understandings in this article to be useful, it is made available with the understanding that I am not engaged in presenting specific medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual advice. Nor is anything in this article intended to be a diagnoses, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual problem. Each person has unique needs and this article cannot take these individual differences into account. Each person should engage in a program of treatment, prevention, cure, or general health only in consultation with a licensed, qualified physician, therapist, or other competent professional.