School: Back to school shopping ripoffs?

Whether your kids are heading to preschool or setting foot into their first year at middle school, back to school season can be a dangerous trigger for temper tantrums, anxiety and sleepless nights before that dreaded First Day.

Some kids are blessed with a positive attitude about school and are marking off their calendars with excitement and anticipation. Others choose a more 'difficult' approach and will bless you with episodes of crying, bouts of anger and a complete refusal to cooperate. If your kids are too young for anger management classes, and approaching back to school season with a less-than-stellar attitude, here are six ways to stop back to school temper tantrums in their tracks:

1. Play 'Let's Make a Deal'. It's tough to negotiate during the middle of a meltdown, so you need to prepare for this one in advance. Slowly start to bring up the Back to School Event coming up in a few weeks to test the waters and help your kids come up with a plan for each morning. Make a deal - get some type of commitment from them - to ensure smooth sailing mornings before the day begins. Examples: "You can watch 10 minutes of cartoons if you get up right at 7 a.m."

2. Show them the light. Incentivize good behavior by offering them a reward for getting through the morning stress-free and sticking with their routine. Slow and steady progress is the goal, and rewards can be a simple way for them to get into some positive back to school habits. Example: "You can play soccer with the neighbors right after school if we catch the bus on time."

3. Pretend like it's just another conversation. Making a big deal out of a temper tantrum usually makes it worse. Instead of entering a shouting match, just talk to your kids as if you're having a regular conversation. When they realize their message is not getting the results they want, they may quickly pipe down and resume a normal conversation.

4. Prepare for school the night before. Avoid the anxiety of running late and not having the bookbag packed by preparing the night before. Make this your evening routine so they can count on having a nutritious lunch ready to go, or having the supplies and accessories they need. Even organizing their clothes for the next day can free up your time in the morning and ensure they won't go through a 'wardrobe episode' at the final hour.

5. Describe what they're doing. Instead of fighting back and begging them to stop, try a different approach of communication. Explain the specific situation that triggered the tantrum; for example, "You spilled your cereal and now you won't have time to eat a good breakfast before school" and then offer a solution: "I'll you another bowl and clean this up while you finish." Reducing the magnitude of the 'problem' or situation at hand can help a child see through it and make their way back to a more positive state.

6. Give them choices. If your kids give you a hard time about what they 'want' for breakfast or what they 'want' to wear in the morning, give them choices. But only a few. Allow them to make a decision within a set of parameters; for example, "You can have any one of you favorites; Cheerios, Corn Flakes or Cocoa Krispies today; which one do you want?" This gives them a chance to understand they have options, and are in a position to make a decision. Open ended choices, or too many options, can be a tantrum in the making.

If back to school season is making you anxious with the anticipation of oncoming temper tantrums, plan ahead with any of these six strategies; and look forward to a more positive season!



References:
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Buy what you need for the first day of school but don’t buy too much for the rest of the year. Some items, such as pencils and pens, might be useful to stock up on if there is a great sale. But since many stores overstock on items, you may actually be able to find some bargains by scanning for sales after the back to school rush is over.

Did you know

I still remember in high school, a 9-year-old acquaintance of mine who was visiting suddenly started whining like an infant, “Why don't you go out for any sports?!...You afraid you're gonna break a nail?...You don't like any sports, do you?!” That was the worst of it where he was concerned. Otherwise, I could just imagine the little drama queen clutching his heart, gritting his teeth, and throwing himself on the floor. Later that summer, his family, my dad and I went on a camping trip during Labor Day Weekend. Apparently still disturbed about my difference of opinion, he asked me why I didn't like sports. I honestly blew the chances to give him a straight answer, but I didn't have to give him one anyhow.

And where would I begin? I don't understand the big deal? It's a free country? Everyone's got a right to their own opinion? Then he observed that I was “like a girl” because I was never a sports fan like most other guys. He then followed up with the disclaimer that I was fun to be with. I'm sure I can be, since I don't judge or make drama whenever anyone expresses a different opinion. It's their opinion, not mine. It didn't end there, of course, not even with him: Over a year later, I remember him asking me, during a visit to his place why I don't go out for football? I figured he had a short memory, but I never gave him a straight answer. Might as well have.

It's all over the place. It has been for I don't know how many centuries. Males are socialized to be judged by their involvement, if any, in sports.

It's obvious even to me some of the benefits of playing sports. It's just too bad so many people take the fun out of them by placing too much importance on them. Who doesn't remember classmates who were such sore losers that they sometimes even threatened their teammates to win during PE? Geez. In 8th grade, a friend of mine whose team had just played speedball against mine told me on the way to the showers that one of my teammates physically knocked some of his teammates out of they way with his fists to get the ball to that sacred goal line. Kind of makes you wonder how bad his life was that he'd stop at nothing to win a stupid game. A game that, believe it or not, even I kind of appreciated. And what about students calling their teammates dirty names just because their team is losing?!

It can be kind of sad. A junior-high friend of mine who wasn't too much into sports turned into Mr. Hyde during a lunchtime game of Frisbee baseball. I failed to catch the Frisbee when the “batter” threw it into the outfield. What do you think happened? My friend screamed at me and called me a big pervert, of all things! You'd think I'd killed someone, or that he was about to. I was about to, after that. 

The first taste of poor sportsmanship I remember rubbed in my face was in the third grade. My class were playing a game called steal the bacon. Half of us stood on one side of the court and half on the other. When someone ran into the middle of the court and grabbed an eraser the teacher put there, someone from the other side was supposed to try to catch them before they got back to their side. When I had trouble doing this, a classmate on my side accused me of making my team lose. He came up behind me and hit me on the head, and just as I whirled around with my fists balled up, the teacher yelled at him. Couldn't blame her. It was, after all, her responsibility to protect her students as well as educate them.

I think some parents need to teach their kids some values before sending them off to school. I mean, what do these kids have going for them that they think a game is a matter of life or death?!

In one of my college English classes years ago, a female classmate of mine wrote an essay titled “Why I Hate Sports.” It talked about how she always saw her son in tears when his team lost a game. She figured sports were hurting him, which might sound inflammatory, but many people do take sports that seriously. To think, in England, the word sport means amusement. For many people, though, it means infinitely more than that. Don't get me wrong. Life is too short not to have some passions. Funny thing is, every male's passion has to be sports just because it's the passion of most males. Sci fi and fantasy fans are widely considered “geeks” and “nerds,” but not people who get carried away about football. Interesting double standard. 

Even when I was a sophomore in high school, my uncle tried to be encouraging by asking me if I played football. My dad told him I didn't. Of course my uncle's response was, in an admittedly loving tone, that I “should” play football. So a few years later, when one of my sister's ex-boyfriends asked me why I didn't play football, I asked, “Why should I?” he just reasoned that I'd have made a good running back. Oh well. I appreciated these people's encouragement anyhow. It was always a burning question with other males why I never so much as went out for any sports.

I'm sure sports are good exercise, and I understand that they keep your sex drive down. They can help make you more disciplined. But I'm sure other activities can, for those non-sports people. All I can say is, sports fans: have fun! Non-sports fans, male or famale: take heart: I'm sure you're normal.